Baby Steps in Mental Prayer
There have been a couple of instances the past few weeks on Twitter/X where someone has either asked for advice or otherwise has posted something that prompted me to respond, “You should consider making a commitment to mental prayer.”
I am by no means an expert in prayer. The only true experts in prayer are the angels and saints in heaven, and as my family could tell you, I am far from being a saint. But ever since this last Ash Wednesday, I have made a concerted effort to make 30 minutes of mental prayer every day. I have not been 100% faithful to this goal, but God is faithful, even when we are not. Mental prayer has already changed my life, and I’m convinced that it can change. It was too.
Perhaps in the first place, it may be helpful to define what I mean when I say “mental prayer.” I have been learning especially from the tradition of the Discalced Carmelites. Their foundress, St Teresa of Avila, defines mental prayer as “nothing else than an intimate friendship, a frequent heart-to-heart conversation with Him by whom we know ourselves to be loved.” In other words, mental prayer is a conversation in our own words with God. It is not the mere repetition of someone else’s words (verbal prayer, what we usually mean by “saying prayers”). Instead, it is speaking to God in our own voice. And just as important, it is listening to God. Dialoguing with Him.
We live in a busy world, a world that seems designed to distract us from any sort of meaningful contact with other human beings, much less God. Any relationship we take seriously, we have to make time for, shutting out as best we can all other distractions.
Shouldn’t we treat our relationship with God with the same deliberation?
If you are anything like me, you will find that you bring your own distractions with you. How do we slow our minds down enough to even have a chance of dialoguing with God? Following the advice of a holy priest, given to me many years ago that I’ve only put into practice recently, I often write out my prayer. Longhand, with pen and paper.
The advantage of this is that it slows my mind down and makes my thoughts more deliberate. One has to be careful to not turn this into mere journaling; this is not a monologue. You are trying to discover what God has to say to you, not free associate your own thoughts.
I’m at a stage where I use a book to help keep the conversation going. The gospels, other scriptures, or a book of meditations from a good writer will help keep a focus on what God is saying to you. Again, there is a danger of making your time of prayer mere spiritual reading. Spiritual reading is great, don’t get me wrong. But there is a world of difference between reading your spouse’s high school yearbook, and actually talking to her face-to-face.
I find that for me this one-two punch of text and notebook helps me immensely where I’m at right now. The text helps keep me open to God. Writing out my prayer in a notebook helps keep me focused on the dialogue. Here’s how a session of prayer tends to look like for me:
I get my text and journal. I set a timer on my phone for fifteen minutes (and then turn my phone screen-side down so it doesn’t distract me further). I will sometimes set a crucifix or a small religious image in front of me. I will try to calm myself, as if I’m kneeling in a chapel inside my own heart. I mark a cross at the top of my journal page and pray a brief prayer to the Holy Spirit, asking Him to be present in my prayer.
Then I start to read slowly the text for meditation. Again, the goal isn’t information. The goal is to find a phrase or even just a word that inspires me to say something to God. I write out what I want to tell God like I’m writing a letter to a dear friend. It’s OK to have questions for God. It’s more than OK to be unsure or even angry at God— read the Psalms, if you ever doubt this.
I’m not always as faithful as I should be in taking moments of silence to listen, but as I’ve said several times, I tried to make this time together a conversation, not a monologue. The goal isn’t to spend time telling God what I need—He knows all that already. The goal is to give something of myself to God by giving Him back one of His most precious gifts to us: the gift of time.
Sometimes the fifteen minutes go by super fast. Sometimes I’m counting down the seconds. But without being super scrupulous over the matter, I try to stay there until my timer sounds. I sometimes take a thought for my prayer into the rest of my day. I sometimes make a resolution for the day, even if it’s only a conscious choice to return to my prayer time the next time. Somewhere during the day, I tried to do another fifteen minutes of prayer in the same pattern.
Two fifteen minute sessions work for me. As a husband and a father, this gives me a fair amount of flexibility. If something comes up (charity supersedes every other law), I try to make at least one of the fifteen minutes sessions.
How has daily mental prayer changed me? It hasn’t been a drastic overnight change. Just ask my wife. But I am finding that my life has more focus. Sins that had plagued or even dominated my life (some of them for years) I find easier to resist. In part, I think, because I know ever more concretely that I’m not fighting on my own. In part, simply because I don’t want to show up to my next meeting with God covered in slime and filth. My encounters with God carry over into the rest of my day. I know that when I skip my times of mental prayer, it becomes a lot harder to resist temptation. So I am learning not to skip them.
So here would be my advice to anyone who wants to try mental prayer for themselves:
Find a place where you can be alone for about fifteen minutes. Inside a church would be awesome, because the One you are going to talk to is there in a special way. Otherwise, take a few moments to be aware of the tabernacle of your heart where God dwells by sanctifying grace.
Pray to the Holy Spirit, asking Him to be present in your prayer.
Read a few lines of the book you have with you. A few suggestions for a text: the Gospel from that day’s Mass, a journal with texts from the Gospel or passages appropriate to the liturgical season, The Imitation of Christ, or The Way by St Josemaria Escriva. Remember that the goal isn’t information but conversation.
When a phrase or word in the text speaks to you, pause. Use your notebook to speak back to God. Try to enter into the passage you just read. What do you see? Is God asking you to do something? Does the passage inspire you to love God more? Does it inspire you to love your neighbor better? Don’t worry about proper grammar or spelling. This has less to do with writing and more about spending time with God.
When you feel your mind wandering, move on to the next part of the text. If you reach the end of a section or chapter, be still with God and talk about what you have discovered with Him. When the timer sounds, find something in the conversation to take into the rest of your day. Thank God for the time you were able to spend together, and promise Him that you will meet with Him again soon.
Five simple steps, but they will change your life. But don’t take the word of this beginner. Try it out for yourself, and let me know how it goes.
I’m praying for everyone who reads this. Please pray for me and my family. God bless!!